Not So Black and White

Speaking of understatements of the year, the meandering and subtly pummeling guitar solo in Rwake's "Inverted Overtures" is hardly worth mentioning to your wine-drinking friends. But it ought to earn you huge kudos among neighborhood Oprah watchers when you inappropriately blurt out, "'Voices of Omens' is the greatest doom metal offering to come out of Arkansas in coon's age!" during the next "Book Club" get-together.

Which reminds me, there are these three fat, bald, Real Estate guys who "work out" at my gym (yes, I own a gym now). Typically, they're rolling the so-called executive workout: a leisurely bike ride with a twice-as-long hot tub soak. They chat amongst themselves, in hushed E.F. Hutton-like tones, such micro-wisdoms as:

"Profundi's 'Omega Rising' cements Jens Ryden's reputation as a man among boys in the black metal genre.

"On a different note, Sinoia Caves' 'Naro Way' might be the most breathtakingly beautiful two minutes and thirty-six seconds of music I've heard in the last year. If it were any longer, it'd be too much.

"The new Kylesa and Cellador records will certainly scratch your power metal itch, but why bother when you've got 'Piece of Mind' and 'Number' in your collection. Even last year's surprisingly strong 'Matter of Life and Death' knocks socks off of those comparative johnny-come-homage offerings."

No, they really do say this stuff. I should know. I make it my daily task to eavesdrop on sweaty people.

And my broker says...

He was stopped at a red light in downtown Denver behind a cop car, and he witnessed a black man strolling up the sidewalk to cross the street in front of him:

"The guy had a nice, almost joyous, lilt to his step until he looked up and saw the cop. And when they say Randall Cunningham used to throw frozen ropes, Kev, what I saw, at that very instant, was the act of a rope flash-freezing before my eyes.

"Where that man's spine was the rope.

"The vocabulary of body language contains expression greater than words.

"It was as if the man instantly realized, upon spotting the cop, that he had something to hide. And you know what, Kev? He did. His skin color.

"But don't take my word for it, there's all sorts of studies on the shit. Google it sometime. The mind fucking reels. Even NBA refs whistle the brothers more often than white guys.

"Speaking of which, how about that ref that got caught fixing games?"

I was calling to put a couple K on AAPL. Only in the time it took my rep to relay his little anecdote, the price shot up another 8% on sick iPhone revenues and I missed my window yet again.